Computers and the Internet have had a profound
impact upon so many aspects of our society, from the way people
shop and work to the means by which they find information on countless
topics. It was inevitable, then, that these tools would come to
be used for one of the oldest activities humans have engaged in:
the search for a mate.
Tired of relying on random chance meetings
in smoky bars, or at parties and other social gatherings, millions
of singles have turned to the Internet and online dating sites
to search for potential dates. Online dating has actually proven
to be more effective, for many people, than traditional dating
approaches because it essentially works in reverse. Instead of
initiating conversation with a stranger and then attempting to
work things up to the next level, singles who connect via the
web actually learn much about each other's aspirations, values,
physical attributes and financial and familial circumstances before
they even meet. This tends to level the playing field significantly
when compared to the traditional game of pursuing someone that
one feels attracted to and praying that personalities and goals
will jell.
Many singles feel daunted, however, by
their unfamiliarity with this relatively new approach and also
by the vast number of online personals sites available on the
web. There are a few helpful tools that can reduce the task from
a mountain to a molehill. Of course, we also need some practical
tools to pursue this course: a working computer, an Internet Service
Provider to get us online, and a reliable e-mail account (this
is how we will make our initial contacts.) From there, our most
important tool is self-knowledge. Before venturing into the virtual
world in search of a partner, we should have a good understanding
of what our personal values are and what we really want to derive
from an intimate relationship. For example, a divorced mother
of two children may find little common ground with a younger man
who has never been married. Understanding where we've been and
how our experiences have formed us makes us much better equipped
to discern how compatible we may be with singles we connect with
online.
Online ProfileWe should draw upon this
awareness when we write our profile (this descriptive essay is
required by most online singles websites) and be as honest as
we know how to be. Stretching the truth to make ourselves appear
more fetching will only waste our own time as well as that of
the people who respond to us, in the end. Remember, one of the
advantages of connecting online is that we get a better sense
of how well our personalities and life situations might complement
each other before we even meet prospective dating partners face-to-face.
This principle also applies to reading
prospects' profiles to get an understanding of how suitable they
may be for us. Early e-mail exchanges provide us with a vital
opportunity to fine-tune our initial impressions. We should use
these communications to ferret out more information about our
potential dates. This will make that first physical meeting –
when and if it happens – feel less like a job interview and
more like a reunion.
Though online dating is so different from
the traditional approach, it actually offers many advantages that
can give us a greater return for the time and energy we expend.
Entering into the dating field with clear knowledge of ourselves
and what we want from a relationship will help to hone our search
and draw to us those candidates with whom we're most likely to
be compatible.
How to Ask a Girl...